Driving for dummies – India issue

As rules go – this set is really only meant as helpful suggestions:

  • All road lanes are just a suggestion.
  • If you have to turn right at a signal, please park all the way to the left and cut off the other vehicles who have to go straight once the light changes.
  • Bigger the vehicle the better but remember-Buses ARE the boss!
  • All autorickshaws come with drivers that have nerves of steel and a top speed of 45 kmh-Don’t bother honking.
  • Turn signals might make other people aware of your next move – Do NOT use them!
  • Driving with your bumper literally touching the car in front of you is the norm!
  • Traffic signals are just a suggestion-especially at night.
  • Call center cabs have total right of way-even if you drive an ambulance.
  • Where there is a traffic jam, there is the Indian Police guiding traffic into it!
  • Overtaking while communicating to the other car about his mother/sister is considered the norm.
  • Finger gestures work-use them!
  • All bikers are avatars of Rossi, Hayden, and Stoner- let them conduct their sport in peace.
  • Pedestrians and cyclists are part of a large game- the more you hit the more points you get!
  • Lady drivers are all requested to put their makeup on only while driving in traffic.
  • Lady drivers are all requested to long only straight while driving, turning, parking etc.. do not check blind spots, do not ensure that there is no oncoming traffic!
  • All slow moving traffic must remain in the center of the road. The left lane is reserved for pedestrian/cyclists and bus stops, and the right lane is for playing chicken with oncoming traffic that is without doubt in your lane!
  • Be sure to brake hard and as late as possible. This not only checks if your brakes are working, but also lets you make some money if the person behind hits you!
  • Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It’s a good way to scare people and keep them in their driving senses.
  • Speed limits? What are those?
  • Lookout for speed breakers. At a decent speed some of these can send your vehicle into orbit.
  • When stuck in a traffic jam, honk, flash your lights, scream out of the window and ask the person in front of you to move!
  • Everyone is some politico’s relative so everyone has the right of way.
  • The Indian Govt has put potholes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes.

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